Fierce Grape

Photo by Flickr user Walsh.

A brief snapshot of everything that is happening right now:

• The Bruce Wayne regimen has commenced. Five days of yoga. and three days of weights a week. Some running, too. It's going well, but I haven't needed this much electrolyte replacement since I was in high school lacrosse. Time to buy some Gatorade. Some FIERCE GRAPE perhaps?


• Lots of secret activity. Secret projects with secret collaborators. A secret workout partner (wow, that sounds so very gay). Super secret movement on the Pillow Crisis front. It's like my life is an episode of Naruto.


• Pillow Crisis is definitely taking its toll. Closing the last thousand yards on this project is agonizing. Here is what every morning is like: I wake up, I roll out of bed, make some eggs, and then sit down for a four hour chat with Huili. Ugh. Oh wait. That still sounds way better than the job I quit. I WIN.


• Have been spending much time marvelling at the remarkable similarities between Uzumaki Naruto's life and my own. Also noting how appropriate that theme song is in serving as background music to my day.


• Some warning shots being fired across my bow by destiny right now. Like Busta Rhymes says: pay attention.


• As research for a script, I conducted a great interview with a former employee of a prominent offline dating service, and have some truly horrifying stories now. In short, don't join one. It's no better than chance. The social humiliation you'll endure by striking up an awkward conversation with a stranger off the street is nothing compared to what you'll face with a dating service.


• Have been absolutely devouring media at a rate I haven't seen since Lower School Book Club. I put Naruto on hiatus to finish off the entire run of Cowboy Bebop, am about to begin the entire 144 episode run of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (don't ask), am watching about four movies a week, and finishing a book every week or so. There's just too much good stuff out there.


• Went to a party and swept the room, which is defnitely a first. By swept, I mean I talked to every individual with whom I wanted to, uh, talk. Must have spent five hours working my way through the place. Kind of exhausting, though, to be that engaged for that long. I did pretty well, though. Got compliments on my biceps and my shoes. Got hit on by attractive members of both sexes, so I guess whatever I'm doing, it's working.


• Gave some Naruto episodes to Mark. Gave some to Brian. Am forming Los Angeles Naruto Fan Club (proposed name: Hidden Larchmont Village). Naruto, Naruto, Naruto!!!

Ringtone No Jutsu

Hay guys! OK its time to talk about the best anime EVAR, NARUTO!!!11

Naturo is liek so def better than harry potter and buffy and fallout boys combined, cuz he ROX!! hahaha am i rite?

Naruto is a student at ninja school in japan which is a real place my cousin goes there. he is from hidden leaf village and he knows all these jutsus that's jp for technique. he can even turn himself into a naked lady LOLZ

girls suck at being ninjas btw thats why Sakura cant do crap in any episode ever. but she is hot so its ok

HERE IS TEH MAIN NARUTO SONG

Song: Naruto Main Theme [Excerpt] (MP3)

Daaaaaaamnn the Naruto theme is sooo CRUNK hahaha

Check it here is a ringtone I made so you can put on yr cell.

Ringtone: Naruto Main Theme (MP3)

Here is another ringtone I made plz dl it

Ringtone: The Raising Fighting Spirit (MP3)

Ringtone: Turn Over (MP3)

This is the song they play whenev Naruto is making a comeback and you think he died but he's all liek oh no i didn't here i am im Uzumaki Naruto!

oh and i made another ringtone

Ringtone: Bad Situation (MP3)

This is when the bad guy ninjas are gonna jutsu Naruto and you are hoping Naruto will pwn them. and then he does and the bad guys are like what

Brooklyn

Danielle is a stalwart defender of Brooklyn, and so she spent much of our time together showing me the virtues of living in the borough.

We walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, and then stopped at the local Coop for snacks, and then took in the sky at Prospect Park. Quite an impressive sky for New York City - voluminous enough to give you the momentary sensation of living somewhere quieter and greener than New York.

The Coop is a completely foreign concept to someone raised in Dallas, home of the most beautiful strip malls in the world. So I'll try to explain it. Essentially, much of the markup in Ralph's prices comes from 1) good old fashioned capitalism and 2) the cost of processing, storing, sorting and selling products. The Coop neatly sidesteps both; it's owned and run by the neighborhood residents.

In order to earn the right to shop at the Coop, you have to commit to work there a few hours of month, during which you might cut wheels of cheese into wedges, or sort bags of trail mix. Owing to the strident community spirit that is rampant in Brooklyn, there is actually a waiting list to work at the Coop. That's right - you have to wait a few months before you can work at the grocery store, so that you can be allowed to buy groceries. This would never fly in Texas.



But the payoff is sublime. The prices are unbeatable, even in the mass-market items, and the choice of gourmet items is easily comparable to Whole Foods. I bought a large bag of the best raisins I've ever had for a dollar. Danielle showed me a large packet of handgrown spice being sold for fifty cents. My favorite European cookies were being sold at a price I've never ever seen.

Is there a downside to the Coop? Most definitely. The store is small and crowded by supermarket standards, and the checkout procedure is arcane in the manner of an Eastern European motor vehicles bureau.

But you can't argue with the prices, and the warm and fuzzy feeling of defending your municipality against the onslaught of self-checkout machines and privacy-invading discount cards is definitely a plus.

Personally, the Coop's selection is more suited for those who spend a lot of time cooking. For someone (such as myself) who is a mere dilletante in the kitchen, Trader Joe's still represents the best balance between gourmet offerings and convenience.

Whitney Biennial 2006

The Whitney Biennial is meant to anthologize the most significant American artists currently producing work that is of the moment. But mainly, it serves as a public relations instrument for the Whitney museum - the show seems to generate more press for the institution than the selected artists.

I interned for the Whitney when I was in college, a fact I opportunistically mentioned when standing in line for tickets. The clerk was kind enough to comp me, and so in I went, accompanied by my friends Matt, Brett, and Brett's boyfriend.

The Biennial curators included international artists in the roster this year, a significant choice given that the museum is dedicated to showcasing American artists. Whether this event was an an outlier in the annals of American art history, or a portent of a slow decline in American art was not something I could determine.

That uncertainty didn't prevent Matt from issuing his initial assessment of the show: "Dude, this is fucking art school." I had to agree - most of the pieces felt conceptually dubious. There were barely any memorable works, but I am proud to have captured some completely illegal video of one by Paul Chan called "1st Light".

You have to tilt your head to the left in order to view the video with the proper orientation, as I am covertly filming it by palming my digital camera. What you're looking at is a projection on the floor meant to depict the shadows falling through a bedroom window on a moonlit night.

Life Happens Pretty Fast

Apologies for the paucity of posts lately - life has been fairly full and busy lately. No chance of a slow fadeout on the blog, since 1) I've never successfully kept a journal, and have always regretted it and 2) There is no shortage of topics to write about.

Huili and I have been spending my afternoons and his late nights talking for five hours a day, trying to sweep up all the loose threads in the Pillow Crisis outline. If I didn't have a good number of years of writing experience, I'd want to kill myself.

I've also been automating my work flow, using a combination of high-end productivity software. I'm more machine than man, now: twisted and evil.

Meanwhile, a number of unlikely and surprising possibilities have bubbled up lately:

• taking a public speaking course with MBA students from the Marshall School at USC
  


• infiltrating the inner-workings of one of most prominent offline dating services in the country


• acquiring the film rights to someone else's intellectual property

I keep saying that I can't believe this is my life, but dude, seriously.

A Fork In The Road

So the Pillow Crisis outline is nearing completion. It's looking quite lean and mean, and I think we've got something quite special herre. The movie appears to be greater than the sum of its two co-writers, which is the best possible outcome for a collaboration.

Meanwhile, the Academy's screenwriting competition (the Nicholl) is in early May 2007, and assuming that I am eligible for entry at that time, I intend to win it this year. That gives me ten-and-a-half months to complete two scripts. Pillow Crisis (none of these titles is real) is obviously one of them, but I need an additional project to occupy the downtime. PC is a project that happens in fits and starts, due to the fact that the co-writers live in different countries and one is raising a young child.

I have spent the past year assuming that my next project would be Waxahachie Air, a work of historical fiction. But synchronicity - in the form of my friends' collective opinion and random encounters with apposite media - suggests that I instead write the most ridiculous idea I've ever had. A movie that can be pitched in three words, and combines two of my most gleefully juvenile preoccupations: Lobsters vs. Butterflies.

The utterly puerile nature of Lobsters Vs. Butterflies seems to suggest a simpler story to write. It draws upon very classical archetypes and stories, which makes the job a little easier. It certainly doesn't require as much research as Waxahachie Air, although it will still require a lot. But the research will be more fun.

What gives me pause is that Waxahachie Air is clearly an easier sale to Hollywood. On the other hand, I think it's quite likely that WA won't be ready for showtime by May 2007, especially given the pace at which Pillow Crisis is moving. PC is going to be a huge time sink.

Lobsters vs. Butterflies feels like something I can have fun with and more importantly, get done quickly. I would be more than a little disappointed to emerge from 2006 with only one complete script, and looking at my current timetable, PC and LvB fit snugly (but not tightly) in the calendar.

But predicting what your writing experience is going to be on a script is near impossible, in my experience.

Monday Update

Last Week (or Two)

• Eight movies, eight episodes of Band of Brothers, 20 episodes of Naruto, four novels


• Resumed weight-training three times a week


• Met with collaborators on side project


• Phase One of apartment spring cleaning


• Pillow Crisis outlining - I say this every week, but we are really THIS close


• eBay auctions to fund Asia and Europe excursions - profit: $100/hr.


• Went to stylist's house(!) to have hair cut in living room

This Week

• Resume yoga classes after month-long hiatus due to travel and weight training


• Six movies and one book


• Commence new writing project to be completed during Pillow Crisis downtime


• Side project brainstorming


• Second and possibly final round of eBay auctions - projected profit: $30/hr


• Follow up with director who requested my script


• Phase Two of apartment spring cleaning


• Learn how to use OmniOutliner Pro software so I can stop abusing bullet points like a game designer

New York Restaurant Roundup

A roundup of eateries I dined at in New York:

Beard Papa (recommended by me)
Japanese Cream Puffs - Various Locations
Surprisingly, few of my friends had tried this, despite the fact that Beard Papa has been open at several locations in NY for over a year now. So I took it upon myself to introduce them to the delicacy known as the Japanese cream puff. Beard Papa is a popular chain imported directly from Tokyo, and their puffs consist of a creamy custard, sweetened to perfection, injected into a delicate and flaky puff. Just the smell of the place upon entering is enough to keep you coming back. Just be careful not to inhale the powdered sugar.

Peanut Butter and Co. (recommended by Danielle)
Peanut Butter & Jelly - Greenwich Village
Ok, let's get the obvious out of the way first. Would you like something other than a peanut butter (and jelly) sandwich? This is NOT your place. But there is something to be said for specialization. I can wholeheartedly recommend the Elvis - peanut butter, bananas, honey, and bacon, grilled on two pieces of wheat. Paying $7 for PB & J seems a bit precious, though.

Veselka (recommended by Danielle)
Ukrainian - East Village
Ukrainian food for hipsters having a post-club snack. Los Angelenos, think Swingers, but with pirogis and stuffed cabbage and borscht. My first time having all three, as well as my first time imbibing the New York institution known as the Lime Rickey.

Bombay Frankie Roti Roll (recommended by Matt)
Fast Indian - Morningside Heights
Now this is one of those things that gives NY an edge over LA. (Don't get uppity New Yorkers - we don't have to take a number here just to ENTER Trader Joe's - we just walk right in like we own the place.) Fast Indian food - brilliant! Imagine a non-fried samosa burrito thingy filled with chicken (marinated in cream and spices) or spiced potatoes and sweet peas. All for less than four bucks.

Good Enough To Eat (recommended by George)
Comfort Food - Upper West Side
According to George, this is one of the top ten places to eat breakfast in the United States. The menu consists of exceptionally well-executed breakfast staples - nothing too fancy here. I had the turkey hash with eggs, and thought it was just about perfect.

Taam-Tov (recommended by Matt)
Uzbek - Diamond District
Chicken schvarma so tender it just falls apart in your mouth, releasing its subtle flavors in the process. Good stuff.

Shake Shack (recommended by Matt)
Burgers & Shakes - Madison Square Park
A faux-retro roadside stand located in the middle of a diminutive city park. Often cited as the best burger in New York, but Fairway is better, so whatever with that. The burgers and fries are decent, but the shakes and the frozen custard - in an impressive array of flavors - are incredible.

Fairway Cafe (recommended by Matt)
Supermarket Steakhouse - Upper West Side
This is a fancy steakhouse on the second floor of a supermarket. They serve a pretty damn good $12 burger, served on brioche with some excellent fries. We're talking the thick and juicy patty, not the thin and crispy variety that some people tend to favor. Best of all, they cook the thing medium rare, which I'm not sure is even legal anymore. But damn the law - this is my burger we're talking about.


Edit: a few last minute additions.

107 West(recommended by Matt)
Yuppie Southern food - Upper West Side

Tomo Sushi and Sake
Yuppie Japanese - Upper West Side

Queen of Sheba
Yuppie Ethiopian - Hell's Kitchen

It's Midnight, What Are We Going To Do For The Next Three Hours?

The Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in a hostage, in which the hostage exhibits seeming loyalty to the hostage-taker, in spite of the danger (or at least risk) the hostage has been put in. It is also the end result of undermining Matt's sleep cycle with a demanding nightly regimen of hanging out until three in the morning. As you can see, he sports this "beard" - a harbinger of his subsequent mental state, or perhaps a symptom of a dermatological condition.

When it actually came time to sleep, the blanket Matt gave me was the very same one he used to sleep in as a college freshman. It looked a little worse for wear, but is still very comfortable.

Matt appears to be doing well. I highly recommend that everyone apply for a Ph.D. in sociology at Columbia University, because the sociologists there like to throw parties and have dinners at fancy restaurants, which seems a bearable way to spend five years of your life. There were, not one, but two sociologist parties during my stay in New York, and half of them involved dinner at 107 West, where I had a magnificently-executed blackened catfish.

His life is also somewhat cyclical in nature - within a twenty-four hour period, he took me to a bookstore, an Italian restaurant, and a bar, presenting all of these venues to me as if they were novel and unprecedented experiences, when in fact he had taken me to every last one of them during my previous visit. These places were quite nice, so I didn't mind.



One new place we visited was St. John's Cathedral, where we sat in order to eat some roti in the scupture garden. We attempted to surmise the subject matter of the garden's fountain, and Matt floated a guess: was it a apocalyptic depiction of the book of Revelations? Alas, no. It was a tribute to the friendly power of a child's imagination, a power which will apparently unleash a terrifying doom of giant crabs upon us all.



We also visited the new Apple Store on Fifth Avenue, which is notable for both its architecture and its hours: twenty four hours a day, 365 days a year. Matt and I decided to mosey down to the store at midnight in order to exchange a defective Macbook for a new one, a decision which garnered a serious WTF from his girlfriend. Surprisingly, the Apple store at one in the morning looks pretty much the same as the Apple store at four in the afternoon: crowded and busy.

Matt also taught me this bachelor's recipe for Black Beans and Rice, which is to be celebrated for its frugality, ease of preparation, and taste. I question its nutritional value, but as an individual who is about to embark on a workout consisting of yoga five days a week and weight training for three (a workout I will christen "The Bruce Wayne"), I must consume all the convenient servings of protein I can. I am a aficionado of Heating and Stirring Random Ingredients In A Pot, a culinary taxonomy which includes risotto, and this recipe is one of the sterling examples of the form.



Matt's Black Beans And Rice

2 Cans Black Beans
1 Can Corn
1 Can Diced Tomatoes With Peppers
1 Can Long Grain White Rice
1 Can Water
2 Teaspoons Cumin
3 Tablespoons Olive Oil
White (Non-Yellow) Cheddar Cheese
Sea Salt

Rinse the black beans, and dump them in a pot.

Add the diced tomatoes, corn, cumin, and olive oil.

Measure 2 cans of water and add to pot.

Bring to a boil on medium-high heat, stirring occasionally.

Salt to taste.

Measure 1 can of rice and add to pot.

Then simmer for 20 minutes. Do not stir.

Rice may or may not rise to the surface. Leave it. Again, do NOT stir or Matt will have an epileptic seizure and/or grow a ridiculous beard.

Serve with a few slices of cheddar and stir. The cheese is crucial.

Housekeeping

Not only am I girl-proofing the apartment, I'm also cleaning up around the site.

The Last Five (see this blog's sidebar) is a running log of everything I'm reading, watching, and playing. You can find miniscule capsule reviews of each item on my personal site.

The idea is to finish seven movies and a book every week, which means I need to move, move, MOVE. I won't be finishing many video games this year, but I'll report on the ones I try out.

For research, I'm also watching the first seventy episodes of Naruto (think Hogwarts for ninjas) and Band of Brothers, and both are excellent.

Rob: naruto is awesome
Rob: it's my favorite anime
Brian: you're weird