THIS IS POST NUMBER TWO HUNDRED

It was not that long ago when I wrote that you only needed to attempt something 200 times in order to acheive the impossible. Well, here I am - a semi-regular blogger, and if that isn't impossible, I don't know what is. It's amazing that I made it this far, considering that this blog is the unloved and forgotten endeavor of all my creative output.

In celebration of this momentous milestone, here is the only blog post from me you will ever need to read, the ONE TRUE UPDATE regarding my life:

After inventing a new productivity technique for writing screenplays with Huili, I was riding my bike down Larchmont. I startled the blackbirds, and then suddenly found myself reminiscing about Stefanie, and the time I urged her to take responsibility for her destiny. I was late for yoga class, but I could afford to be late because I don't work for a living, which is TOTALLY SWEET. I entered the studio, where hot, flexible girls complimented me on the brightly-colored t-shirt I bought on sale at a fancy boutique in Shanghai. I told them how little I paid, and how I had to save my money because of all the worthless stock options I walked away from at my old job, and they were very impressed. Then my yoga instructor showed up and taught us all this awesome new pose involving pillows, and then we had ramen with monkfish liver afterwards, with ice cream and banana pancakes for dessert. It was a great day. And what's more, Judy predicted all of this a year ago!

Jonathan: Dude, I suck.
Me: Yeah, totally.

Download: Some Random Song That Is Only Tangentially Related To This Post [MP3]

You know what the amazing thing is? This is not an inaccurate description of my life. If you had told me two years ago (has it been that long?) that I would write something even remotely resembling the above paragraph regarding my life, I would have looked at you askance.

But much has changed since I began this adventure. I have caused much excitement to happen in my life, and when I couldn't cause any, I have managed to find some in the ordinary and the simple.

And that is as good a description of my blogging process as any.

The most surprising thing about this blog is how powerful it has been in connecting me to all kinds of people: stalkers, well-wishers, strangers, litigators, classmates, acquaintances. I'm pleased that so many of you have spared a moment to enjoy this process with me.

And I'm pleased to inform you that there will be no shortage of material in the near future. The only question is how much of it I can safely include in this blog.

The Rock Star of Astrology

Last weekend, I had a chance to attend a two-hour presentation by astrologer extraordinaire Susan Miller at the local Apple store.

I figured a few folks would show up to talk astrology with Ms. Miller.

What I did not expect was a store packed wall to wall with women jumping and yelling and pleading for Ms. Miller to do their charts, shouting out extremely technical questions regarding astrological minutiae (nodes, planets transiting houses, that sort of thing). Women of every age, ethnictiy and socioeconomic background, no less.

I know chicks love yoga. What I didn't know, apparently, was that chicks L-O-V-E astrology.

What was fascinating about this exercise was that none of these women had any hesitation in standing up in a room full of strangers, giving their actual date of birth, and then asking the most personal of questions regarding their love lives and careers.

(I was also continually awed by my repeated tendency to underestimate the age of a given woman by five, sometimes ten years. Then again, most of them were actresses. A belief in astrology is a prerequisite for the acting profession.)

One lady actually started crying during her reading, and Ms. Miller had to take a time out in order to give her a hug. And because the one lady was crying, you KNOW the other ladies had to start crying too.

It was all very Oprah.

As for myself, Ms. Miller informs me that someone with my birth data (Leo sun, Sagittarius ascendant) should anticipate once-in-a-lifetime events in both personal and professional spheres to commence posthaste. This, of course, is news I have received before. Internal consistency among the league of supernatural middle-aged ladies is definitely a good thing.

I came away from the presentation not entirely convinced by Ms. Miller. She is a very enthusiastic and engaging personality, but I found her prognostications a bit vague for my taste. I am perhaps a bit spoiled by a tarot reader who will gladly open the closet of my current infatuation and pull the skeletons out one by one. (Just ask Stefanie - she's heard the tape - AND IT MADE HER CRY.)

The thing that most unsettled me about Ms. Miller's presentation, however, was not the astrologer herself but her fans. The central question of astrology, at least for these aficionados, is: "When will this event happen to me?" Which is entirely different than the central question of any conversation I have with Judy the tarot reader. That question being, "How can I best cause this event to happen?"

Two fundamentally different questions, implying two fundamentally different views of the universe.

I know which one I like.

Halloween Is A Four Day Weekend

I'm the boss. So what I say goes. I'm off to San Francisco.

Speaking of Halloween, I rececntly had a phone conversation with Miranda, Huili's daughter. She is six now, was born in Los Angeles, but raised in Europe, and now has a slight British accent that makes you feel like you're in an Oliver Twist movie: "Why yes, Miranda, of course you may have more porridge!"

Miranda: I don't want to go to Los Angeles. I only want to go if I can fly on the back of a bird. Birds are my favorite animals.

Me: O rly.

Miranda: Yes. One time I went to the zoo, and we saw dead owl chicks and my dad said they weren't going to feed them to the owls, but they did! So we had to leave.

Me: Hey, Miranda. Do you like... CROWS?

Miranda: ...yes.

Me: Excellent. Let me tell you about my favorite Shinto god...

Miranda will make a perfect convert to my new favorite religion. Yatagarasu demands it.