Eight Surprising Things About Movie Premieres

1) Much of a movie premiere is designed to foster the illusion of exclusivity: unnecessary waiting, unnecessary velvet rope, unnecessary security. The Arclight had us walk through a secret underground tunnel in order to reach the afterparty, and I think they did it just because. The effect of all these superfluous precautions is not to enhance the safety of guests, but to bolster their sense of self-importance.

2) People actually do line up and yell at the actors for autographs. And the actors actually sign them. When you walk past the autograph seekers, there is a brief moment, in which they are closely scrutinizing you, evaluating your fame. And in that fleeting moment, you briefly know what it feels like to be a star.

3) When you walk down the red carpet, a million bright floodlights are positioned to shine directly into your face, for the benefit of the photographers. It is absolutely blinding. How the actors manage not to squint in their wire service photos is beyond me.

4) The afterparty is a much more low-key affair than you would imagine. For one thing, although there are plenty of would-be starlets on hand, the crowd skews a little older. Most of the people who participate in the making of a movie are fully grown adults, many of whom have families.

5) The music at these afterparties always leave something to be desired. It's as if the DJs were resurrected from cryogenic sleep in the early nineties - the effect is unsettling, because the sounds of the party evoke the many bar mitzvahs I attended in my childhood.

6) The crowd leaves the theater without waiting for the credits. Amazing, considering that at least some members of the audience worked on the movie, and are listed in them.

7) The food is actually pretty decent.

8) Despite the fact that Hollywood is a vicious knitting circle, many attendees are reluctant to pan a movie at a premiere. There's a sense that one should be respectful towards one's host, and I agree.