Some Assorted Thoughts On Life and Happiness and Everything, Part II

One day I awoke, got dressed, and went to work at the video game company. Although this day began like any other day during my salaryman existence, it would not end so.

This was the day that I learned that 1) the future of my employment at the company was in doubt (this was a false alarm, but bear with me), and 2) my relationship at the time was over (most definitely NOT a false alarm). I learned of both within hours of each other. I learned of the first by e-mail.

I learned of the second by instant message.

No, this was NOT the opening of a Cameron Crowe movie. In fact, it was my life. It may not have been the most fulfilling life, in retrospect. But it wasn't bad at all. And confronted with the sudden and immediate loss of it, I was shellshocked.

So I stood up from my desk, left the building, and walked across the street to the Hammer Museum. The Hammer Museum has a wonderful enclosed patio: a cool, white marble cube filled with trees and bamboo shoots. It's one of the calmest places in Los Angeles, and one of my secret hiding places when I need to quietly regenerate. Indeed, I spent a lot of time there when I was working at the video game company. (Nowadays, not so much - my entire life is for quietly regenerating.)

As I walked to the museum, my head was filled with a resounding, endless chorus of panic. Panic exploding into panic. Recursive panic.

I entered the museum patio. Stillness and silence, my favorite trees. I climbed to the second floor balcony, and sat down on a bench. Before me was a giant balcony, cut in the shape of a half-ellipse. I could see the rooftops of Westwood rolling before me. I sat and listened to the wind, felt it against my skin.

Suddenly, I couldn't help it anymore. I smiled to myself.

"This is fucking AWESOME!" I thought. "How exciting is this? And SO dramatic!"

It was one thing to be threatened with the loss of a job, or with the loss of a relationship. But both on the same day? Within two hours of each other? If there was a god, this entity had walked up to the bar and told me, "I done bought them drinks. Bitch, you is MY GIRLFRIEND."

It just seemed so ludicrously operatic, hilariously tragic in the Greek sense. It felt as if powerful forces beyond my control had stirred, and were now rushing to evacuate me from my own life. I imagined angels walking around with walkie-talkies, barking orders to each other; "Operation: To Hell With This Bullshit" was a go.

Clearly it had been decided that this life would not do. And it would no longer continue. Effective immediately.

And for one of only a few times in my life, I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen next. An entire universe of possibilites unfolded before me. I was thrilled.

I had the fleeting intuition that something wonderful was about to happen. Something important.

I enjoyed that thought. I got up from the bench, walked back to the office.

And proceeded to panic all over again.