Everything I Know About Fashion: Denim Edition

The buttons on my jeans say: "Denim is dead." I know what they mean. Are we all just really going to wear jeans for the rest of our lives? Pretty much. And so the rivets on the same pair say, "Long live denim."

Here's what I know about denim.

1) Ignore the labels and focus on color and texture. You'll be less likely to make a mistake.

2) The darker the blue the more useful. The lighter, the more casual. However, if the color is so dark it can not be easily discerned as a shade of blue, you've probably gone too dark.

3) The more ornamentation on the jean, the quicker it will go out of style. I personally think that color, texture, and cut are much more important than fancy stitching or distressing.

4) The slim straight leg cut is the one that will last for the foreseeable future. The bootleg cut is diminishing in popularity, and that's too bad, because it flattered everyone - which is precisely why fashionistas have started wearing skinny jeans that normal people can't fit into. My preference: a slim bootleg, with flaring so subtle you barely notice it. See: Crate Denim.

5) Try on multiple pairs of the exact same size. And then try on multiple pairs of the neighboring sizes. Quality control among jeans manufacturers is notoriously lax, even among high-end labels. You're more likely to get the perfect fit by trying on as many pairs as possible.

6) It should be an effort, but not an impossible one, to button the top button. The jeans should feel tight and snug around your hips and waist. Jeans only get looser as they break in - they don't get tighter. So you want a very snug fit.

7) Turn around and check out the rear view. It's actually just as important for guys to do this as it is for girls. Your curves should be discernible. It should not look like a circus tent back there.

8) Have a seat. After all, this is how you'll spend most of your time in these jeans. How do they look? Are they comfortable? Are the legs riding up? Is the seat too low?

9) The break. This is how the fabric hits your ankles. Some people, like me, prefer a clean break, preserving the lines of the jeans. Others like the fabric to scrunch up around the ankles. Whatever you choose, make sure the back of the leg touches the floor when you try them on in your bare feet.

10) Most jeans don't shrink, so don't count on achieving a perfect fit through the laundry. If they do shrink, it'll be length-wise; jeans will never shrink around your waist.

11) Some garments only get better-looking with age and wear. Raw selvage denim is one of them. I'm talking about dark jeans that come with a warning label which cautions you to stay away from light fabrics and upholstery. As you wear these jeans, the indigo slowly rubs off, and they develop unique wear patterns. The downside? You can't wash them. Ever. Please consult Google for ways of mitigating this. The warning label on a pair of Crate Denim jeans says: "Do not wash. But if you wear stinky jeans, your girlfriend may not make out with you. Your call."

12) Know what the new hotness is? Rigid grey denim. Not soft grey denim, mind you. If you can find a pair, you'll know what I'm talking about. Rock 'em. You won't regret it.

13) You simply don't know until you try them on. Words for buying jeans. Words for life.

To be continued in Part 5.