It's Midnight, What Are We Going To Do For The Next Three Hours?

The Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in a hostage, in which the hostage exhibits seeming loyalty to the hostage-taker, in spite of the danger (or at least risk) the hostage has been put in. It is also the end result of undermining Matt's sleep cycle with a demanding nightly regimen of hanging out until three in the morning. As you can see, he sports this "beard" - a harbinger of his subsequent mental state, or perhaps a symptom of a dermatological condition.

When it actually came time to sleep, the blanket Matt gave me was the very same one he used to sleep in as a college freshman. It looked a little worse for wear, but is still very comfortable.

Matt appears to be doing well. I highly recommend that everyone apply for a Ph.D. in sociology at Columbia University, because the sociologists there like to throw parties and have dinners at fancy restaurants, which seems a bearable way to spend five years of your life. There were, not one, but two sociologist parties during my stay in New York, and half of them involved dinner at 107 West, where I had a magnificently-executed blackened catfish.

His life is also somewhat cyclical in nature - within a twenty-four hour period, he took me to a bookstore, an Italian restaurant, and a bar, presenting all of these venues to me as if they were novel and unprecedented experiences, when in fact he had taken me to every last one of them during my previous visit. These places were quite nice, so I didn't mind.



One new place we visited was St. John's Cathedral, where we sat in order to eat some roti in the scupture garden. We attempted to surmise the subject matter of the garden's fountain, and Matt floated a guess: was it a apocalyptic depiction of the book of Revelations? Alas, no. It was a tribute to the friendly power of a child's imagination, a power which will apparently unleash a terrifying doom of giant crabs upon us all.



We also visited the new Apple Store on Fifth Avenue, which is notable for both its architecture and its hours: twenty four hours a day, 365 days a year. Matt and I decided to mosey down to the store at midnight in order to exchange a defective Macbook for a new one, a decision which garnered a serious WTF from his girlfriend. Surprisingly, the Apple store at one in the morning looks pretty much the same as the Apple store at four in the afternoon: crowded and busy.

Matt also taught me this bachelor's recipe for Black Beans and Rice, which is to be celebrated for its frugality, ease of preparation, and taste. I question its nutritional value, but as an individual who is about to embark on a workout consisting of yoga five days a week and weight training for three (a workout I will christen "The Bruce Wayne"), I must consume all the convenient servings of protein I can. I am a aficionado of Heating and Stirring Random Ingredients In A Pot, a culinary taxonomy which includes risotto, and this recipe is one of the sterling examples of the form.



Matt's Black Beans And Rice

2 Cans Black Beans
1 Can Corn
1 Can Diced Tomatoes With Peppers
1 Can Long Grain White Rice
1 Can Water
2 Teaspoons Cumin
3 Tablespoons Olive Oil
White (Non-Yellow) Cheddar Cheese
Sea Salt

Rinse the black beans, and dump them in a pot.

Add the diced tomatoes, corn, cumin, and olive oil.

Measure 2 cans of water and add to pot.

Bring to a boil on medium-high heat, stirring occasionally.

Salt to taste.

Measure 1 can of rice and add to pot.

Then simmer for 20 minutes. Do not stir.

Rice may or may not rise to the surface. Leave it. Again, do NOT stir or Matt will have an epileptic seizure and/or grow a ridiculous beard.

Serve with a few slices of cheddar and stir. The cheese is crucial.

Housekeeping

Not only am I girl-proofing the apartment, I'm also cleaning up around the site.

The Last Five (see this blog's sidebar) is a running log of everything I'm reading, watching, and playing. You can find miniscule capsule reviews of each item on my personal site.

The idea is to finish seven movies and a book every week, which means I need to move, move, MOVE. I won't be finishing many video games this year, but I'll report on the ones I try out.

For research, I'm also watching the first seventy episodes of Naruto (think Hogwarts for ninjas) and Band of Brothers, and both are excellent.

Rob: naruto is awesome
Rob: it's my favorite anime
Brian: you're weird

What New York Was Like

Matt flosses (heh) in a Mercenaries t-shirt. This has absolutely nothing to do with anything, I just thought it was funny and had to post it somewhere.

When I was a senior in college, I had completed my requirements, I was pretty sure I was going to be admitted into grad school, and I had a scholarship that paid for my dorm and my meals. This was a recipe for awesomeness.

I decided to treat my year as if I were attending summer camp. I took the goofy courses like Psychology of Love, Nature Writing, and Stress Reduction, made a bunch of short films, and spent a lot of time hanging out. This behavior seems to be a recurring theme in my life.

Nature Writing was the ONLY class I took as a second semester senior. It consisted of reading great outdoor books such as Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, Walden, and Deliverance, going camping, and journaling about our experiences.

I will always remember this girl named Jill in that class, not because I was crushing on her, but because of a journal entry she wrote, in which she said: "I want to wake up and spend the day. I want to truly SPEND it." Ever since I heard those words, they've rung continually in my head ever since. I even incorporated them in more elaborate form into The Last Whatever.

One of my favorite feelings is the one that comes at the end of a day I have spent. It's not an easy thing to accomplish. Spending the day does not mean you grind the day away with productive busy-ness. Nor does it mean you allow leisure to steal the hours away.

It's about finding the proper pace, the proper amount of engagement, the proper quantity of stimulation. It's about the most proper way to move through the entire day, from moment to moment, as if you're a citizen of a small town in Holland, and you just had a some tea with your friends and now you're going for a canal ride at sunset, and later you'll light a fire with wood you chopped yourself.

That's what New York was like. The pace was absolutely perfect: meandering from place to place, leaving one friend and meeting another, sharing meals and conversation, pausing to see the sights.

Definitely one of the best trips I've taken.

Coming up:

• A list of the things I ate
• More photos
• Greater detail about the time I spent with Matt and Danielle
• The Whitney Biennial
• Why I'm Staying In Los Angeles

Fiscal Report: May 2006

I'm a very conservative budget forecaster, I guess.

I'm underbudget again this month, despite going to New York and eating like the chubby parents at the beginning of Spirited Away. I think going to Dallas helped, because my mom and dad fed me for a week.

One thing I'm surprised by is how difficult it apparently is to NOT spend any money on clothes each month. I'm not going to get too down on myself, because I'm only buying things I need. Like the official badminton shoes of the greatest athlete to ever play the game.

I haven't yet decided what I will spend the surplus on, mainly because I have a pretty good feeling there will be no shortage of opportunities to spend it on any number of frivolities.

Here's what I WON'T spend it on, however:

• A Dell widescreen LCD display.
• A Playstation 3, Xbox 360, or Nintendo Wii.
• An Apple Macbook

There is simply no reason why I can't wait until 2007 to purchase any of these things.

Unallocated: $188.80 (out of $188.80)
Dining Out: $66.64 (out of $250.00)
Clothing: $10.31 (out of $150.00)
Entertainment: $35.55 (out of $123.00

Total: 301.20 under budget

Twelve Unbelievably Useful Things To Pack

This is an old list compiled from my travels across Europe in 2003. I was reminded of it in New York because I forgot to pack both a compass and an umbrella, and sorely regretted the lack of both. I have also updated the list with two new entries, both of which are relatively recent necessities.

1) Travel Towel
Because chances are, you will stay somewhere that has no towels. Weighs nothing, and dries in no time flat.

2) Clothesline
After a few uncomfortable days with no clean socks, you've just managed to wash a load of sweet, fresh laundry. Now what?

3) Compass
It is conjectured that birds navigate by small magnetic particles housed inside their brains. Matt Salganik has no such particles, and it would behoove you to carry one of these when traveling with him.

4) Eyeshade
After a late night, harsh morning light can put a damper upon your intentions of sleeping until the crack of noon.

5) Ear Plugs
These not only provide good snore protection, but also shield you from the living room traffic when you're sleeping on the couch.

6) Student Id Card or Reasonable Fake
Student discounts are omnipresent in Europe (and New York). If you're like me, and got carded going into 8 Mile, consider faking one.

7) Flip Flops
Perfect for lounging around the hostel and protecting your feet from the organic laboratory known as the shower floor.

8) Small Umbrella
Because it's northern Europe (or New York), not southern California, and it will, in fact, rain. Often.

9) Garbage Bag
Whether it's shielding you from rain, holding your laundry, or choking small infants, the uses are endless.

10) Ziplock Bags
Anal retentive people will need to sort and protect various items as they go, and these do the job nicely.

11) Food for the Plane
Your layover is thirty minutes, but the flight was delayed by twenty. You haven't eaten in four hours. They don't serve food in coach anymore. The next leg of your flight is three hours long. Welcome to hell.

12) Ultralight Crushable Daypack
Stuff one, in your suitcase, and then instantly double your cargo capacity when you discover you've bought way too many books at the Strand. Doubles as a laundry bag and a manpurse. Bonus: pesky attendants won't confiscate this from you on a crowded flight and check it, because you can stow it under a seat.

Back

Sorry, I know the time-shifting is confusing, but real-time updates while on the road are extremely difficult. I have at least two good posts on New York coming up, as well as lots of photos, but in the meantime, I have to:

• do my laundry


• do groceries


• balance my budget


• clean my apartment


• recuperate from a NY ailment of some sort


• get back to work

Some upcoming topics:

• sorting out my travel plans


• a list of incredibly useful things to pack when traveling


• how to make $$$ on eBay now!!!1


• now that I've addressed every topic from Day One, a recap would be helpful

New York

Here we go.

Get ready for lots of photos. We start with the view from the the Empire State Building. Also spotted: a street vendor on 125th street in Harlem, hawking copies of "Crack Headz Gone Wild". That's this city for you.

Austin

There are many unlikely beneficiaries of wealthy parents with college-age children, and we can now add parking gate manufacturers to that list.

Since most students had left for the summer, I parked in the garage of my brothers' dormitory, somewhat concerned that I would be charged a premium for parking. I need not have worried, since an intrepid band of students had taken matters into their own hands, by ramming their way out of the parking garage, twisting the turnstile arms into ribbons of scrap metal. Free parking for all.

What's even more telling about this incident of vandalism as the byproduct of lazy frugality was that the dorm had replaced the gates within 24 hours. The utter efficiency and indifference of the response leads me to believe that the storming of the parking gates is a weekly ritual conducted by the dormitory Visigoths.

It had been quite a while since I stepped inside a college dormitory, and visiting my brother reminded me of one particular detail I had long since forgotten.

The smell. I suspect that Aum Shirikyo has found a new chemical weapon to release upon the Tokyo subway: the sweat of college freshmen. Nothing says "college dorm" quite like this aroma. It's as if they've installed vapor condensers to absorb and the perspiration of the students, which is then distilled into a pungent musk, to be slowly released into the air conditioning system.

The ubiquitous discarded beer packaging also evoked fond reminiscences. If there was ever any doubt about the cheapest brand of beer, allow me to put the issue to rest: Keystone Light. UT-Austin students may be a diverse group, but on this matter they have spoken as one.

One of the highlights of the trip was playing the game New Super Mario Brothers on a DS Lite, neither of which had been officially released in the United States at the time. The ingenuity of college students in completely unproductive endeavors is what keeps this country great.

As for Austin, the city has a leisurely pace, and an unpretentious appreciation for culture and music. It's a bit small, though, and the traffic is awful, somewhat negating one of the primary advantages of smallness. To be fair, I only visited long enough to help my brother switch apartments.

A word of warning: the state of Texas raises its entire annual budget by means of the speed traps on 35 South between Dallas and Austin. They might as well install drive-through traffic courts on the freeway while they're at it, so people can pay their fines before they merge again. (Note to worried parents: I did not get a ticket.)

Live from New York

Ladies and gentlemen, we are updating live from an underground bunker at the Institute for Social and Economic Research and Policy at Columbia University.

Having finally managed to secure a high-speed connection and a USB port, here's what's coming up next:

• Gambling with my mom and grandma at the Windstar Indian casino in Oklahoma.


• My visit to Austin and the federal maximum security prison which my brother calls a dormitory.


• Some early NY highlights: a sociologist party, blackened catfish, the view from the top of the Empire State Building with Stefanie, shopping for jeans and Apple computers in Soho.

Dallas

One of the things I've realized during my week of traveling is that my ability to maintain my happiness is directly proportional to the amount of the sky I am able to see when I walk outside. Which is why I able to be reasonably happy in Los Angeles, and less so in New York. But absolutely nothing compares to the sky in Dallas. Imagine seeing this sky everyday. It gives you a small sense of your own infinity.

I spent most of my time in Dallas delivering flowers for my mom, Mother's Day being one of the five busiest days for a florist. I actually received a three dollar tip from a customer, which I consider a highly auspicious omen, as that never happens.

During my time off, I read the novel Parasites Like Us by Adam Johnson, and saw the movies Paycheck and Lord of War. I also visited my old grade school, only to find that absolutely nothing had changed. The same red brick, the same mass of backpacks strewn across the campus, the same teachers reminding students to tuck in their shirttails.

The reason I visited my grade school was to acquire one of my school's physical education t-shirts. This is a shirt that every student at my school must own; it's the official uniform for all PE classes, and it's reversible, in order to facilitate the formation of dodgeball teams. It also happens to be the sort of garment you would pay $50 for at a vintage clothing store on Melrose Avenue. So naturally I thought I would pick one up.



A few reasons why this shirt is a unique addition to my collection:

1. It's reversible (gold and navy), so that you see the contrasting color at the seams of the sleeves and the bottom.


2. The bottom seam is a raw seam, with contrast stitching.


3. The design of the shirt hasn't changed in at least forty years. This is the same shirt I wore in seventh grade, it's the same shirt I wore in first grade, it's the same shirt I would have worn in 1956.


4. The shirt is cut for skinny boys,and fits me really well.


5. The fabric is a fifty-fifty blend of cotton and polyester, which retains its shape and ages more gracefully than pure cotton.


6. The gold is a heathered gold, which is a fairly unusual color and texture.


7. As the shirt undergoes repeated wash cycles, the yellow will wear down, revealing the navy underneath, lending the shirt more dimension.

Four Cities In Four Days

I'm typing this from my brother's dorm room in Austin.

Yesterday, I was in Oklahoma, gambling with my mom and grandma in an Indian casino inside a circus tent. Last night, I came back to Dallas.

Wednesday, I leave for New York. More in a bit.

My Risotto Is Unstoppable

Last Week

• Explored the interior of B-17 Flying Fortress. Photo gallery here. Small children and explosive ordnance make a great combination, as seen above.


• Pillow Crisis is getting closer and closer. Not too much longer now.


• My risotto is unstoppable.


• Book: Strange But True (+).


• Game: Metal Gear Solid 3 (+)


• Movies: Mission Impossible III (+), Jennifer 8 (+), Millions (+)


• Daily yoga classes - noticeable improvement in posture and back strength.


• Closet purge: scheduled my eBay auctions. That was a lot of work. But it's good practice for the day I will sell George on eBay: "MEDIOCRE HUMAN BEING. FAIR CONDITION. BUY NOW!"

This Week

• Go back to Dallas.


• Work in my mom's florist for Mother's Day. Lots of roses to be de-thorned.


• Possibly drive down to Austin and visit my brother Jon. Depends on the florist schedule.


• Shopping: acquire PE shirt from old grade school. Look for a good deal on a pair of black plaid or Varvatos Jack Purcells, maybe.


• Go for walks in the woods with the dogs.


• Pillow Crisis.

To Do This Weekend

Take a tour inside this: an original B-17 Flying Fortress, as seen in WWII's Strategic Daylight Bombing Campaign and countless movies. One of only fourteen operational B-17s in the entire world, and she's leaving Los Angeles this weekend.

Special guest appearances from a B-24J Liberator and a B-25J Mitchell.

Why yes, I have noticed a marked difference in my life before I quit my job and after.

Also: Pack bags for Dallas and New York.

Additional bonus: Free Comic Book Day.

The "Bitch Please!" Moment

Last yoga post. And then we'll get back to Hollywood, since I haven't written about that in a while.

Yoga is a different type of pain than lifting weights. The pain of pushing plates is a mechanical pain: the stress of physical forces exerting themselves upon various body parts. Yoga is a simple and pure exhaustion of the body, one that leaves the body floating in a state of release.

I have been been told that yoga and meditation go together like peanut butter and chocolate. And that's because, as I've learned, that the two are different means to the same end: clearing the mind.

Meditation passively clears the mind; it's the process of allowing everything in the mind to simply drift away, until there is nothing left. Yoga actively clears the mind; it's the process of concentrating on one thing to the exclusion of everything else. That one thing being, maintaining the position of your limbs even at the very moment they are about to collapse.

When I'm holding a yoga pose, I find that I simply cannot think about anything else: my writing, the errand I forgot to do, the meal I'm going to prepare later. All I can think about (besides my breathing) is a particular location in my body at this present moment. And that moment leads to another, and another, and before I know it, I've spent an hour and a half completely liberated from the stresses of my life. (Of course, now all those stresses are good stresses.)

During my first week of classes, I made the discovery, thanks to an incredible soreness, that my neck and shoulders had been clenched in a perpetual state of tightness. Our bodies remember skirmishes that haven't been fought in weeks or months, and still coil themselves to spring into battle. Yoga is definitely helpful in unwinding that tendency - I've thought to myself on more than one occasion, this is how my body felt when I was a kid.

I definitely credit my instructor (aka The Superstar) with my progress - she's steadfastly refused to allow me to become complacent. In every session I've had with her, she's allowed me the time to master new techniques, and then, inevitably dropped what I call, the "Bitch please!" moment.

No matter how many techniques I master, she never fails, about a half hour from the end of the class, to introduce a new feat of contortion that I cannot conceive of myself attempting, let alone performing. Like a headstand. Or an upside down "L" with my feet against the wall. Or a one-legged tree pose with my eyes closed.

I suspect she's self-conscious of this tactic, as she often jokes that her students think she's crazy. Once, while explaining how to tie a Gordian know with one's body, she caught my expression as I was thinking to myself: "What in the hell does this woman WANT from me?!"

She smiled at me and said, "It's gonna be fun."

And she was right.

The Ordeal of the Rare Video Game

Jon: i have a metal gear acid 2 "limited edition" cell artwork
Jon: i dont know if you want it
Rob: yeah
Rob: sure
Rob: why do you have it?
Jon: i got the artwork because i got mad at a gamestop employee
Rob: what?
Jon: yeah.
Rob: what happened?
Jon: like i got to gamestop 10 mins before they closed to pick up a game that was impossible to find but that one day someone had traded it in
Jon: and given 10 mins i thought i was fine
Jon: but as soon as i got there, they closed their regiesters
Jon: I was like can i go in and buy something
Jon: and they were like "no you can't bro, we closed our registers"
Jon: and I'm like you guys arent even supposed to be closed yet
Rob: yeah, gamestop and eb are all about zeroing out the registers early
Jon: and then I got into mom mode and said, "let me speak to your manager"
Rob: omg
Jon: and the guy was like hes gonna be in a minute, just wait a few mins
Jon: so i did, and when the manager arrived, i just said my story and he was like, "oh yeah, we just DISCOVERED a way to ring you up after the registers have been closed."
Jon: i was thinkin yeah bullshit, just lemme buy my game
Rob: that's awesome
Jon: so i guess he felt bad and gave me all that free shit.
Rob: he's a scientist

The Plan For May

THIS MONTH

• Solve the damn Pillow Crisis outline - June should be about actual writing.


• Gone to Dallas for a week. Hanging out with my family.


• Then to New York for a week. Lots of catching up with old friends.


• Whitney Biennial in NY. I've never been!


• Mission: acquire vintage Physical Education shirt from former grade school.


• Look into webhosting.


• Get business cards - no more writing down contact info for people - it looks unprofessional.

MONDAY UPDATES

Last Week

• Researched Chinese mythology and spoke to my mom about it.


• Learned that if you point at the moon, it will cut your ears off.


• Pillow Crisis outline - on the verge of a breakthrough here.


• Daily yoga classes - can do the one-legged tree pose now.


• Movies: Fei Hu (+), Jarhead (+), Silent Hill (-), Reign of Fire (+)


• About to beat Metal Gear Solid 3.


• Los Angeles Festival of Books.

This Week

• Get traction on the Pillow Crisis outline - hopefully finish it?


• Best-Selling Jewish Porn Films at the Hammer Museum.


• Finish Strange But True.


• Closet purge: sell some unexpectedly valuable antiques on eBay.


• Pack for Dallas/NY - don't forget CDs.


• Get my Netflix on.


• Daily yoga classes - last week.


• Make Porcini Mushroom Risotto.

Fiscal Report: April 2006

UNDER-BUDGET SPENDING CATEGORIES

Unallocated: $195.91 remaining (out of $195.91)
Dining Out: $128.57 (out of $250)
Entertainment: $53.14 (out of $123)
Clothing: $3.50 (out of $50)

GRAND TOTAL: $381.12 budget surplus.

As Chief Financial Officer of A Very Big If (symbol: AVBI), I am pleased to report that our organization has exceeded its financial forecasts for the month of April 2006, by accumulating record savings. (Granted, April was the first month of record-keeping.)

Stronger-than-expected savings in the category "Dining Out" resulted from an innovative new practice of no longer taking meals at Westwood eateries, and cooking one's own meals instead. Additional savings in "Entertainment" were the byproduct of vigorous cuts in video game expenditures and an unanticipated surfeit of free film screenings.

AVBI would like to warn our investors, that while we are committed to increasing shareholder value, savings for each month will not be allocated to the organization's Roth IRA, or to the extention of AVBI's tenure. Given our institutional preoccupation with travel to distant locales, audacious stunts involving young women, and the predictions of tarot readers, it is quite likely that current and future budget surpluses will be exhausted within the year.

Visit Me In Shanghai (Mark Your Calendars)

At the current rate of cash burn, A Very Big If is projected to reach one possible conclusion sometime during the summer of 2007.

When that happens, the contingency plan is to relocate myself to Shanghai, China for a unspecified period of time to complete my current writing project.

Shanghai, if you haven't been paying close attention, is considered the new hotness when it comes to cosmpolitan metropolises.

My father owns an unoccupied three bedroom apartment in the city, which is where I'd be staying. And I'm throwing the doors open to visitors during that time.

That's right: free housing in Shanghai during the summer of 2007, for anyone who'd like to visit me.

Response to this particular part of my plan has been very strong among my friends, to say the least. If everyone who has said "I'm so there" actually shows up, we'll have the beginnings of a new hit reality show.

Now I'm fully aware that this is one of those ideas that is often spoken of during idle moments, and inevitably fails to substantiate, despite the best of intentions.

And yet here I am, living a life that is clearly a manifestation of such an idea. So let's not dismiss this particular notion just yet, as fanciful as it may seem.

Imagine yourself walking through the streets of Shanghai, about a year from now.

Sounds nice.

A Portrait of Huili and Me (By Miranda)

Drawn by Huili's daughter Miranda (as seen here) during his recent stay in Los Angeles. Also depicts Chumbacca, Huili's imaginary friend.

The text reads:

Chumbacca, Sota, and Dad are playing with a jump-rope, [ed. - We never did that, nor have we ever done that.] and are happy. And also there is a carpet person who doesn't have a face.

So how accurate is Miranda's depiction of myself?

Round glasses? Check.
Spiky hair? Check.
Navy top? Check.
Purple pants? Um..sure.

She's a natural.

Monday Updates

LAST WEEK

• Kept the damn pants. And wore them, prompting someone to say, "Nice pants!"
  


• Made progress towards formulating a daily routine. Still some optimization to be had here.


• Unveiled brand new homepage. Now my stalkers (hi!) can obsess about me and feel stylish at the same time, thanks to the power of Helvetica Neue.


• Put up some new photo galleries as well, including my friends at the Gates and my scars.


• Signed up for yoga classes.


• Fixed the web template for A Very Big If, much to the happiness of Internet Explorer and Safari users worldwide.


• Much brainstorming on Pillow Crisis outline.


• Began reading Strange But True By John Searles.

THIS WEEK

• Go to bed at the same hour every night.


• Daily morning pages and meditation.


• Continue to work on Pillow Crisis outline, with an eye towards May 9 milestone.


• Watch PBS documentary on WWII fighter pilots.


• Work way through Netflix queue.


• Make chili in a large pot of Heineken. (The malt brings out the flavor.)


• Free screening of Silent Hill at Sony Pictures.


• Daily yoga classes. Oof!


• Finish Strange But True, begin No Country For Old Men by Cormac McCarthy.


• Look into webhosting "solutions". The blog won't stop, can't stop.


• Los Angeles Festival of Books.